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 dark & stormy, ryan
remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. you are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.
23 years old & he/him
businessman
pansexual
takenish
oliver harcourt
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 12:29 AM
Quote
played by sami


oliver didn't know how long it had been since rose died. as soon as he got home - he couldn't even remember if he drove or was driven - he just got into his bed and slept. he knew someone else was in the house making sure everything was being taken care of, like feeding the animals, so he didn't bother to get up except to go to the bathroom. he didn't even get up when he heard someone at the door. he figured it was some delivery person, and one of his staff members answered the door for him.

PM
^
He smells like cigarettes and mistakes.
24 years old & he + him
drug dealer
hetrosexual
single
ryan price
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 12:39 AM
Quote
played by shadia


They hadn't said the names on television of the child, but they had said the name of the parents of th child. His heart dropped to his stomach, but he figured it'd be best to go over there when he was a little more sober and there wasn't a girl in his bed.

But he went over there the morning after. He knocked - a cautious woman answering. Ryan was familiar with her so he just sidestepped and wandered around to find him.

"Oliver?"

PM
^
remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. you are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.
23 years old & he/him
businessman
pansexual
takenish
oliver harcourt
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 12:46 AM
Quote
played by sami


oliver took a deep breath when he heard ryan's voice. he didn't know if he wanted to deal with this right now, but he didn't want to kick ryan out. oliver just sat up and turned his overhead light on. " my room, ryan. " he called out. skylar had already ran out to go and find ryan, but doug was next to oliver in his bed.

PM
^
He smells like cigarettes and mistakes.
24 years old & he + him
drug dealer
hetrosexual
single
ryan price
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 12:52 AM
Quote
played by shadia


Ryan leaned down to pet the dog before heading towards his room. He sat down on the edge of the bed - quietly rolling a joint wordlessly. "I saw the news." He admitted - glancing back over at him. "What happened?"

PM
^
remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. you are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.
23 years old & he/him
businessman
pansexual
takenish
oliver harcourt
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 01:06 AM
Quote
played by sami


oliver should have figured that it'd be on the news. it wasn't ever day that a child was murdered in daycare. he closed his eyes and tried not to cry in front of ryan. he was sure he'd done it before, but he was cried out. " selena's brother. he got in there and.. killed her. "

PM
^
He smells like cigarettes and mistakes.
24 years old & he + him
drug dealer
hetrosexual
single
ryan price
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 01:10 AM
Quote
played by shadia


Ryan stopped blunt rolling for a second and turned over to him - having previously had his back towards Oliver. "I'm so sorry that happened." He wasn't good at this - and even felt a little awkward then.

PM
^
remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. you are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.
23 years old & he/him
businessman
pansexual
takenish
oliver harcourt
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 01:19 AM
Quote
played by sami


oliver looked up from doug and at ryan when he felt eyes on him. oliver was sure he looked like shit, but he didn't care. ryan knew about loss - he wouldn't judge. " so am i. " he let out a sad laugh and started tearing up again.

PM
^
He smells like cigarettes and mistakes.
24 years old & he + him
drug dealer
hetrosexual
single
ryan price
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 01:21 AM
Quote
played by shadia


Ryan lit the joint and handed it over. It felt useless to ask what he could do. He was just going to do what he thought he needed to do. "Want me to filter out the well wishers?"

PM
^
remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. you are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.
23 years old & he/him
businessman
pansexual
takenish
oliver harcourt
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 01:34 AM
Quote
played by sami


oliver didn't even hesitate to take the joint. he wanted something stronger right now, but he figured ryan wasn't going to just hand him heroin. " if you don't mind, that'd be great. " he didn't need to deal with people trying to tell him they're sorry. no amount of sorry's would bring his daughter back to him. " i don't know what to do, ryan. "

PM
^
He smells like cigarettes and mistakes.
24 years old & he + him
drug dealer
hetrosexual
single
ryan price
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 01:40 AM
Quote
played by shadia


"Do you want advice or do you want reassurance?" Ryan asked, fairly flat out. What he really meant was: Do you want the honest truth or do you want me to bullshit you? Ryan didn't really want to assure him everything was going to be okay, but he would.

PM
^
remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. you are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.
23 years old & he/him
businessman
pansexual
takenish
oliver harcourt
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 01:50 AM
Quote
played by sami


oliver shrugged. " i don't know. just.. tell me the truth. how did you deal? how.. how long does it take for this feeling to get better? " he knew it wouldn't go away. he would always have a hole in his heart where rose should be.

PM
^
He smells like cigarettes and mistakes.
24 years old & he + him
drug dealer
hetrosexual
single
ryan price
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 01:56 AM
Quote
played by shadia


Ryan turned to lay on the bed fully - sitting up against the headboard as he took a deep hit of the joint. "People are going to try to make it about so many things that its not. They’re going to tell you about angels and religion. They’re going to pray for you. Don’t flow them off. It's not helpful. You won’t care. But later on, you’ll be grateful. Because even if you're not about religion - its nice to have people backing you. And religious people make good food. And after someone dies - people always bring food. Don't deny it. Just accept it and say thank you. It'll come in handy." Ryan remembered the days and suddenly felt a spike in his stomach. "It doesn’t get easier, but you learn how to deal with it." He admitted as he tried to think of how to word it.

He went back to his first loss. "When my mom died I sat in my room for two weeks straight. I didn’t leave. It seemed completely appalling to me that life was going on. Because didn’t they understand that my mom just died? But the world doesn’t stop. Life will still go on. But it feels fucking impossible that other people are getting up and going about their days like this didn't happen." Ryan sighed.

"For the feeling to get better? Its like a storm. At first its raining on you. Flooding. But eventually, it starts to clear up. But bad weather will still come. You’ll just learn how to spot dark clouds. Birthdays, holidays, words. You'll see them coming." Ryan noded a bit. "The loss happened. I’m so sorry it did, but it did. The only option to have never felt this pain is to have never known Rose at all. " He knew that may seem like the better choice. But he didn't feel like that was true.

"You’ll re-learn how to enjoy holidays. You’ll learn how to get past it on her birthday. And I wouldn’t recommend making any huge life changes or choices until you can tell th whole story about her death without crying. Until then - your mind is cloudy." Ryan knew he was talking a ton, but the advice was just rolling past his lips. "About the death and stories - you’ll have to tell it. It sucks but you will. People who you met in passing will ask. Don’t get mad at them. They’re usually sympathetic and try to help. "

"It really sucks and while you’re in it- it feels like it’ll never get better and you’ll never stop crying. And you probably won’t notice, but one day you’ll find yourself getting through it because the only other choice is to die. "

PM
^
remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. you are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.
23 years old & he/him
businessman
pansexual
takenish
oliver harcourt
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 02:19 AM
Quote
played by sami


as ryan talked, oliver just listened. ryan had been through more than he should have, and he knew a lot about loss. he'd vaguely known about ryan's mother dying, but they never really talked about it. he hadn't known ryan was in his room for two weeks afterwards, but it made him feel a little less bad about just staying in his bed all this time. it made him feel like this was a normal part of loss, of coping - that it wasn't just him.

ryan kept talking, and oliver decided to do something brave and slightly stupid. he scooted back a bit and leaned to rest his head on ryan's shoulder. he needed some sort of physical contact right now, and he didn't want to push ryan for a hug. this would do. " thank you, for all of that. " he meant it. no one would be more honest with him than ryan, and for that, he was grateful. skye's death had hit oliver hard, but... she was sick. he could see it coming. rose's death had been so fast.

oliver took a deep, shaky breath. " it just... i don't know what to do right now. i know we have to plan a funeral, i know i have to work, i just.. " he sighed. " i haven't even left my room since i got back. " any food he had was brought to him by a worried staff member just wanting him to get something in his system.

PM
^
He smells like cigarettes and mistakes.
24 years old & he + him
drug dealer
hetrosexual
single
ryan price
 Posted on: Jul 8 2018, 02:25 AM
Quote
played by shadia


"Thats fine. You don't have to leave your house. Just take some time. Then try doing little things. Making a sandwich, going to CVS. Walk around Target for a while. Do something with friends for an hour. But people will stop by. Don't snap at them." Ryan knew well about the snapping.

PM
^
remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. you are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.
23 years old & he/him
businessman
pansexual
takenish
oliver harcourt
 Posted on: Jul 9 2018, 11:37 PM
Quote
played by sami


oliver laughed softly. " people will stop by? like you? " he would never have snapped at ryan, though. ryan knew loss, he wouldn't bullshit oliver like others might try to. " i don't think i'll be able to do those things for a long time. "

PM
^
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